Monday, September 7, 2009

The Bad, and the Bad, Still the Bad ... and then the GOOD

The bad is when you had an unexpected 12 hour shift a month before one of the biggest exams I have to take where I have no idea why the gravid women are giving birth so early, all at the same day, all at the same time. And yes, so lucky that we didn't exchange babies those times.

The bad is when I fall asleep as soon as I get home after a tiring, toxic, no-sleep, no-eat, no-pee duty when I promised myself the morning before to study two chapters at the very least. Now, I guess that just got thrown right out.

The bad is when my mom keeps breathing down my neck about how I should pass that exam and that my dad keeps telling on a minute-basis, "Review. Review." As if I didn't know that and as if the word review hasn't severed my brain out for months now.

The bad is when for a week now, all my mouth could say is ... "Freak out." And one time a friend mo mine had this conversation.

Xie: Madz, focus.
Madz: Yes, Xie. I'm focused.
Xie: Yun naman ...
Madz: I'm focused on freaking out! @_@

And I guess that litany would have to end tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow is doomsday. Armageddon. End of the world. Freak out day. Whatever.

And finally the bad will end.

Actually the good came weeks before when me and Jacq, my new found friend and new found faith exchanged messages about how our venue letters were not arriving. Small talks as such came to building an edifice of friendship, of love talks and of faith discussions.

It's been a while since I was lost and in the dark since that fateful moment of effed up wrong decisions and mistakes. There came a time when my faith was questionable and I could hear Jesus saying, "My child, how weak is your faith." Or worst ... I don't hear him at all which freaked me out (refer above for freak out). I cry at times for no reasons. Depression was a constant company. It felt no one understood and no one could comfort me.

But Lo, the Lord never left me and he gave me salvation in a person of a friend whose faith is huge and whose trust in the Lord is enormous. And then my faith was revived slowly, surely and definitely. Slowly though but who is rushing anyway. The Lord spoke to me in a tongue of a friend who revives my faith little by little. And I cant help but think how meant to be this is and how thankful I am for this wonderful blessing.

It may have been the bad but today is good and the best? It's still yet to come.

Faith Mode. Amen.

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