For the Love Of

For the Love Of
By: Madz Sta. Cruz

In reply to Kim’s blog, ‘For the Want Of’
This is for everyone who feels the same way.

I’m missing a lot of things since the era of post grad began.

Work has been dragging and sometimes looking out for patients has been meager (and I guess that’s what work burn out means). But in this I have found a family of many whom deeply I respect and look up to. I knew beforehand that the real world is ruthless and unforgiving, and the hellish bosses and the toxicity and the gossips suck out the faith in me. But despite all those, I have come to appreciate every step of the way for it made me a better, wiser perhaps more cracked-up but nevertheless real person.

I do miss my college days where pop quizzes seem better and where I do believe met some of the best people in the world. I never get tired when Andz, Allyl, Cookie and Kim procrastinate and I have to give my short but who-knows-if-its-effective

pep talk … “Guys, focus!” And I know that line seems old and that adage got thrown right out the window. Even I, for that matter, am focused … focused on freaking out. Who can even focus in the world with the deafening traffic or the blinding corruption or the senseless over-prized shoes? So now, I tell you my dear barkada not to get focused but to BELIEVE. Yes, believe that we can make it; that we can achieve all those dreams we have talked about, ranted about and squealed about back in college (yes, even Andz’s mansion with rollercoaster at the backyard and no, not about marrying Johnny Depp. That’s really on our wildest dreams).

I do miss Les Femmes as well, the company of it and the buzz buzz and brouhahas over the room but now, especially Kim and Andz our other med friends are now hearing new brouhahas in their own rooms at their own med schools. I miss our nearness at school where we see each other every minute of the day and spend time like there’s no tomorrow. I miss our ‘surprise’ birthday celebrations (and speaking of, it’s cookie’s birthday) with ‘themes.’ And when Christmas comes, I will surely remember how we have our monita (no monitor coz we’re all girls) with everyday themes. And I will miss our much celebrated Christmas parties and pretend birthdays for free something from the restaurant. In time, we’ll celebrate these moments with different people, at different places or institutions or countries as well (ugh), with different themes and parties. And at the hubbubs of it, I will fall silent one moment, smile and rethink how it would have been if I were with my Tipol friends.

I miss the Malate traffics, the food trips at Big Momma’s, the E-Jim rush print outs, the long lines at Manong’s Xerox. I miss the early breakfast of junk food and chocolates with Andz. I miss the pseudo cramming studies we do before exams (what we really do is just chat and I would have to say, GUYS FOCUS!).


But fact is fact that we are at different world right now but fact is fact that despite that, we are still together by heart; invisible from time to time because of the demands of our chosen paths but still the prayers stormed to heavens are from us and every bit of Burgoos, TGIF, Big Momma’s, Kwek Kwek, Siomai, boots, hip hop abs CD, Meiji Dark Chocolate Bars, V-Cut, McDonalds, cameras, textbooks, blush-ons, eyeliners and whatever memories we did share back then bring back nostalgia over and over again.

There would come a time that others will lean on us and see us our salvation. It is uncomfortable and it is scary. We'll miss moments that just the five of us are each others salvation and shock absorber. But that time has passed and I guess it's it a new era to become shock absorbers for others. These moments teach us how to be strong. It may be scary as hell but it is an honor and once you've gone through, you'll see how precious it is. Anyhow, we friends could still lean on to each other anytime.


For now, the best we have are YM chat moments which may be rare but truly treasured. The best we have are rare moments to see each other. The best we have are our prayers for each other. The best we have are our love to each other which have crossed bridges and blazed trails. The best we have are what we have now – the paths we have decided to take and the encouragement of each other to finish the race. Right now we may have chosen to live different worlds and be with different people but I guess in life that’s inevitable. What matters is that we look back and look forward at the same time.

I am missing.
I am loving.